Blog: "Mascot Rematch"
by Paul Jury
An interesting point about the Mascot Deathmatch post, from reader Dave Cloud:
I think you've overlooked an important factor here... weight class. A single cowboy probably weighs about 175 pounds or so, while according to Wikipedia an osprey (seahawk) weighs about 4.4 lb.
So the question becomes: could 2000 pounds of cowboy (around 12 or so, especially if some of them are nicknamed "Slim") defeat 2000 pounds of seahawk (somewhere in the neighborhood of 450). My vote is for the seahawks, because despite any "hot gate" style box canyon maneuvering or circling of the wagons, those cowboys will get overwhelmed and exhausted, run out of ammo, and probably end up with some sort of bird flu from all the "droppings." But this whole thing would still be awesome to watch.
-Dave
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Personally, I think 12 cowbody (equipped with six-shooters and lassos, and possible a wagon circle) COULD still beat 450 Ospreys, in what would inevitably escalate into a climactic battle scene from an apocalyptic Alfred Hitchcock/Clint Eastwood movie. That's just my option, but either way, truly an awesome spectacle to watch.
Why 2000 pounds, exactly, I'm not sure. Seems like a decent measure, if you have to pick something arbitrarily. But not one molar mass of Seahawks? Not 1000 kilograms? I suppose we'd have to stay away from the metric system, as this is American football.
Also this raises some tricky measurement issues when you get into the abstract mascots of some sports mascots. How much, for example, is 2000 pounds of Magic? Or 2000 pounds of Heat? If you answered Queen Latifah in a sauna for that last one, by the way, shame on you. I'm not sure how you could measure 2000 pounds of Chargers, exactly, without severely electrocuting yourself.
For the record, my favorite cross-sport mascot fight would be the Utah Jazz versus the Minnesota Wild. I picture this battle taking the form of just some black guy with sunglasses playing his trumpet in the woods.
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Sam:
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You know what the Internet needs? More blogs.
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Paul:
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I agree. But at least our blogs are sometimes about these sweet videos we're trying to share with the world.
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Sam:
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Being a writer is fun. I wonder what we would've done if we were alive a century ago.
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Paul:
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Maybe we would've created videos. Viral videos.
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Sam:
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I think we would've been more worried about real viruses. Like whooping cough or consumption.
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Paul:
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Was that still around in 1907? I only know it from Oregon Trail.
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Sam:
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I only know about Oregon Trail from when I got bored with Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. The game, not the television show with Rockapella.
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Paul:
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Those guys were hilarious. Definitely TiVo-worthy.
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Sam:
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I have more mp3s of a capella music than I should really should admit.
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Paul:
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Are you going to throw those on your iPhone? Or iPod? Or Microsoft Zune?
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Sam:
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No, I already packed those with the funniest videos we've made. In case I ever bump into Steven Spielberg or Matt Groening or Jessica Alba on the street, I can show them the hilarity.
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Paul:
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Jessica Alba wouldn't be interested in our efforts to go viral.
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Sam:
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She would if that virus was consumption.
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