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Blog: "State of Fairs" by Paul Jury I blew off steam from Saturday's very eventful wedding(s) with a visit to my buddy John and a trip with him and his wife to the Indiana State Fair. As a former patron of the Minnesota State Fair, I realized that all Midwestern state fairs are basically the same: lots of impressive farm stuff being shown off to city folk who have no idea how to appreciate it. Also, the universal state fair Motto: "What will we deep-fry this year?" This year's answer was Pepsi.  I swear, I thought I could hang in there when they started deep-frying chocolate things, but this has just left me way behind. I don't even understand how you can deep-fry Pepsi. State Fairs are also wonderlands of people trying to sell you stuff you don't need. It's like a thousand-acre Skymall catalogue. Upon entering the fair we came across three separate hot tub tents, each showing at least 20 tubs. Who buys a hot tub at the state fair? Someone who also buys a flatbed truck to cart it home in? The guy at the "Softtub" tent assured me his hot tubs could be squashed down to a size that would fit in any trunk. I asked him if that was because they didn't have any seats; just an empty rubber tub with a motor attached to it, like a tall kiddie pool. He said that seats were a "gimmick". I wasn't convinced: I feel like seats are the third most basic element of a hot tub, behind "hot water" and "tub". Seats are gimmicks in a hot tub like wheels are gimmicks on a car. But I guess I wasn't a likely customer for him anyway: I didn't have room in my carry-on for a Softtub. After laying waste to some nine-year-olds on the bumper cars (I was shocked at how malevolent I become smashing little kids with my car. I mean I was really getting a running start and thrusting forward with my whole body to get my full weight into it. I think I might have given one of them whiplash), he headed to the animal barns. I decided that I would be very bad at winning pigs in pig auctions, due to my inability to understand a single thing the auctioneer is saying. Also, I have no idea what makes a good pig. Some of them were selling for up to $1400 - others were going for $500. They all looked like pigs to me. I also forgot how every state fair is difficult to leave because the two hundred yards around the perimeter are filled with tons of farm equipment for sale. Just get a load of this mammoth mother.  When I saw the price tag of only $37,000, I almost considered buying it… until I realized that $37,000 was just for the plow attachment on the front.. At least they're honest about what could happen to you if you're not careful using this machine.  See Paul's complete blog at www.paulspond.com |
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